Friendship, and sannyas

When I first encountered Veeresh’s emphasis on friendship at the Humaniversity, I must admit I found it a bit weak. Shouldn’t this all be about love, not simply friendship?

We imagine that friendship is something simple and accessible, something the vast majority of human beings have plenty of experience and little difficulty with.

I am not quite sure where this dumbed-down, commoditized notion of friendship comes from, especially bearing in mind the emphasis on it in the classical philosophical tradition, most famously in Cicero’s De Amicitia. Continue reading “Friendship, and sannyas”

What’s the big deal? Thoughts on resistance

I’ve recently been led to reflect on the question of what it is that makes us so afraid of looking inside to the circumstances which lie historically at the origin of our neuroses – frequently to the point of utter terror and/or total blindness even to the fact or possibility of repression. After all, we frequently face much more objectively threatening circumstances in life, like major illness and operations, with much more stoicism.

It is not a question that I think standard psychoanalytic theory really has an answer for. Sure, we are afraid to dismantle the ego. However, this unremarked importance of the ego simply appears as exogenous or as a mere mediator between the pleasure and reality principles. Its apparent tendency to calcify very early on is not really explained. One might link this to a biological developmental calendar, but then the apparent successes of therapy in sometimes bringing down the edifice would be very surprising. Why then do we freeze emotions in the body and hold them down long after the apparent, original need to do so is past? Why can’t we (or at least why don’t we), like the animals, just pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and move on – years and decades after the event? When you think about it, it is really, really strange that humankind is the only species that appears to have this strange dysfunction of its innate healing capacity. And even if we have some idea of how to unblock it, we have little idea of what gets it blocked in the first place.

I can only offer some clues as to how it appears to me.

At the basis, we need to remember that our species has evolved in small, interdependent tribal groups, and what mattered for the survival of our puny organism was being smart and acting in concert. This has led, via mechanisms which I shall perhaps discuss on another occasion, to an unparalleled emotional attunement to other members of the group. Most of this, of course, is a deep mystery – we do not know why we have a spiritual instinct and in what ways it differs from other species, and we do not know why it is so important for us to receive and to give love. These things I will have to take as a given, at least for now.

The Rousseauian view, expounded also by Osho, and perhaps bought into by Reich – all for their own reasons which I understand – that “observed” man is the product of social processes which have perverted the pristine and beautiful natural state of man, has, I believe, to be dismissed as naive. Freud was not wrong in believing that civilization required a sort of suppression of natural drives. On the contrary, the mechanism of acculturation is innate in our species and even what most defines it; it is not maladaptive; it is just misfiring under the conditions of modern life.

If we are happy enough to trace cerebral patterns back to reptilian times, I believe we should be a bit more accepting of our less remote ancestors and what they have bequeathed us. A scientific view of our, or of any, species cannot consist in simply choosing (and idealizing) one forebear over others. Thus, we cannot identify with certain bonobo traits merely because we do not like those of chimpanzees. That we do not like the warlike, selfish part of our nature certainly tells us something, but it does not disprove its existence – only the lengths to which the acculturation process goes to redefine and rechannel this truculence through mechanisms which are entirely social – social learning processes which result in the transmission of norms of behavior from generation to generation and group to group, norms which constitute as important, though far more diverse, a part of our patrimony as what is chiseled on our DNA.

If Darwin, evolutionary psychologists and classical economists have all made a mistake, as argued in Sex at Dawn, it is a perfectly understandable mistake, deriving from first-order principles which one may not like (for the reasons I just mentioned) but must defer to. In all higher species we see collective behavior which is imposed by social mechanisms on instincts which are far more egoistic. And ultimately, this process of acculturation is what has led to the second stage of evolution and the emergence of a creature such as man. Indeed, only social learning processes can result in cooperative behaviour – it cannot be innate.

So: guilt and shame are primary emotions and manipulation of them is a primary process.

Seeing this helps enormously, because there is no need any more to feel – well – guilty about feeling guilty. It is hardwired into our species to feel guilty when we fall short of social expectations, as it is hardwired to manipulate this feeling in order to obtain and maintain group cohesion.

I guess we would all like our children to be generous and patient. But that is not their natural state. Even allowing for incipient neurosis at the earliest stage, I do not believe any child anywhere on the planet has ever been born naturally sharing and thinking of others. Indeed, this is implicit in the standard developmental model, and pretty much a logical evidence: the child first has to develop a concept of self before it can develop a concept of others; the concept of the other can never be ahead of the concept of self and there is thus always a self-bias. So, the younger child must learn, and the adult or older child must teach.

What drives the young child to accept the social yoke, and what approach to childrearing optimizes the transmission of needed social norms? On the child’s side, this can only be the need for love and acceptance. I do not see any other candidate. That the sense of self is impacted by social disopprobrium – for when being reprimanded, however patiently and lovingly, the child will feel such disopprobrium – is natural. From its standpoint, love and acceptance are maximized and guilt is minimized when the child is aligned to social norms. In fact, I would even go further than this – it is not just the sense of self which is impacted, but the very fact of self. A human being living in isolation is not human.

Trying to bring about such alignment must, however, take account of the child’s natural rebelliousness and nascent sense of self. If the primary motivation to align is love and acceptance, it is obvious that bringing about long-term alignment through fear and violence is an inferior and unstable recourse, because love and acceptance create bonds which fear does not. However, fear and authority are not maladaptive either – they are highly adaptive to situations of stress and highly effective in such situations. The balance has just been lost because the circumstances in which we have evolved to exist are no longer those in which we do exist – and this estrangement becomes self-reinforcing. The child learns to suppress aspects of its behaviour which are perfectly healthy and unthreatening to the group, just because the former-child-now-adult can’t handle them. This repression and these patterns of behaviour maximize its payoff in terms of acceptance under the circumstances which it is powerless to change. However, they do so at a tremendous cost in terms of vitality, which is passed on to the next generation.

So to return to the question with which I started, it must be that the energy which cathects the fear of confronting our inner traumas when we start to do so, i.e. the energy of resistance, is the same energy which holds the neurosis in place at other times, i.e. when it is unchallenged. In other words, our fear is our neurosis. It follows that it is functionally identical to the fear experienced in response to the primal events – ultimately, in almost all cases, the fear of losing the sense of belonging and thereby of what it is that defines our nature as human.

And yet: we will not. Objectively, no such risk exists as adults, certainly in a therapeutic situation, when all the traumatizing factors belong to the past. Why is this not obvious?

I think I detect the reason, and it is this. In fact, our desire for love and acceptance is never met. It was not met during our formative years, and it is still not met today, because the endemic character of neurosis means that there is almost no-one able to love as we are meant to be loved and as we need to be loved. This is why we cling on to the strategies we learnt as children, although in no absolute sense did they work either then or now – they merely optimized subject to inordinate constraints. In fact, we are not failing to substitute them by a better strategy: there is no better strategy available to us. We have also chosen partners subject to the requirement that our strategies to gain acceptance initially worked with those partners. We have grown up emotionally paralyzed because of a lack of nurturing and we realize that we, all of us, continue to face the same situation, and whilst the needs of an adult are not those of a child, the meeting of those adult needs is the only thing that can start to demine the unexploded ordinance buried in our past.

It’s Catch 22.

The notion that we as adults are sufficient unto ourselves and can get all the sustenance we need from our physical environment, with no need for comfort, touch, contact is just a perpetuation of the lie and the violence at the heart of humanity’s traumatized existence.

Love and compassion are necessary to our physical and mental health as a species, and they are necessary to the therapeutic process and personal growth. Our mind, that place where we feel in control, because it works so well without others, strives after technique, but such technique is meaningless and ineffective without compassion, and secondary when compassion is present.

Facing our traumas is terrifying because we are innately afraid, under prevailing and persistent conditions of emotional starvation, to lose the little acceptance we have won in the world, and with which we reluctantly content ourselves. We lose sight and faith that anything more is possible, even though we know, deep down, that this way of existing is impoverished, is not satisfying and is not human.

What is “falling in love”?

I have just had an intense experience of falling in love with a beautiful woman. Her kiss is still on my lips. I am relaxed and melting into the feeling. It feels precisely like every other time this has happened to me – the same sense of youthful joy, of unlimited possibility, of new beginning.

Who is this woman? She is me. It was all a dream. And yet, having woken up, she seems just as real.

Needless to say, I would not have expected such an experience; although with hindsight it feels very natural. It got me wondering, for the first time, what actually the experience of falling in love consisted in, what was necessary to it and what was not, and what role the other really plays in an experience which clearly can be generated purely by oneself, for there can be no clearer case of projection than a creature generated in a dream.

So I went on line, imagining I must find something intelligent having at some point been said by scientists about this universal and tremendously important human experience. Now, I only did five minutes of research, so I may well have missed something, but I was very surprised to find so little, and in particular nothing which recognized that this experience could be entirely self-generated. It seems to be a commonplace that all kind of feelings become mixed up within falling in love, which may distort or denature it, and which are explained by the individual’s personal history, but everyone who has written about it seems to have been tenaciously attached to the idea that the core experience went past the self, required and was shaped by the other, and therefore that it had meaning in relation to that other. I see now that this is wrong. Yes, it goes past the normal boundaries of the self; but it does not require the other in anything more than a numinous sense, and clearly has implications only in regard to the self, implications moreover which are unanchored in time and space.

All I found on Wikipedia was a reference to one Francesco Alberoni, an Italian popular philosopher with whom I was already a little acquainted, but unimpressed by. According to that article, falling in love “is a process of the same nature as a religious or political conversion”. That seems to ring true. Alberoni emphasizes the power of the experience to dismantle the previous boundaries of the self and to remake them around a new (and social) project with a new sense of meaning. However he goes on to plunge into a long recital of his own metaphysical preferences, the self-indulgent character of which is patent. It seems to me that the boundaries of the imagined collective he refers to are just an attempt to salvage the lost sense of self – and, if successful in this project, they result typically in distorting, perhaps violently, the same sense of others – or ones own sense of reality. Rather, it seems evident, both existentially and philosophically, that beyond the psychic borders of the self, there is no collectivity. In that place, there can be only compassion.

Another thing I’m conscious of is the autoerotic character of the dream. It was erotic in the true sense, not attached to any fantasies of form, and it felt and feels very much like it was of a single piece with the wet dreams I would have as a young adolescent. The same energy and striving is present, only the projection is much more concrete, in that it feels really like another person entered into my life in that moment – perhaps not to stay, that doesn’t matter: but certainly to change it.

And so falling in love is a faculty of my self momentarily to allow its frightened borders to dissolve and to reach out into the space it naturally occupies. Falling in love is recognizing ones own nature as love, whatever the contingent factors, the congruency of drives and interests, which may, at a particular moment, open the door. But falling in love is also to become aware of ones insecurities and the immense weight of aspirations dammed up behind them. In such a moment, it quite literally feels like everything is possible, but one scrambles, in a frantic and chaotic way, to make sense of it all, to cash in on those possibilities, and to create an external world in the image of ones soul. When we see the light, the first thing we look for are sunglasses. And this is understandable, but it is not the summit of the experience. Rather, falling in love is just succumbing to the desire to become oneself. It is just being woken up by something important and primal enough, within oneself, to overcome ones ego defenses.

As usual, of course, Osho has had something to say about it in which I can recognize my experience.

Love is the shallow space in a swimming pool, for those who cannot meditate. But that is the place to learn meditation. And it is the same pool, it is the same water, it is the same kind of phenomenon. You are just unable to go deeper because you have been made afraid even to enter into it. The shallow part has been condemned, and you have been told to jump into the deeper part without knowing how to swim.

So they disturbed your love life by condemnation and they disturbed your meditative life by sheer strategy: because you don’t know swimming, you cannot go so deep. And you don’t have any experience of silence, peace, sheer joy, a little bit of ecstasy, something orgasmic — these will give you the hints how meditation is not a myth. You have tasted it a little bit. It is the same energy field, just you have to go deeper into it.

WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENS when one couple moves into the realm of orgasmic experience? What actually happens? Every point has to be understood. Time stops. For a moment the pendulum does not move, and that single moment seems to be almost eternity. The two persons are no more two — for a moment. They have melted into each other. There is no thought in the mind, for a moment. It is all empty and silent, and these are the things which have to be deepened in meditation.

And once you have tasted them, you will be surprised that it does not depend on the other person. Something happens within you. Something happens within the other person. But it is not dependent. If you can sit silently, if you can manage, by watching your thoughts, to bring a gap, a stop, you will suddenly see time has stopped again. And now it is in your hands, not in the hands of biology. You can keep this time stopped as long as you want. And once you know the secret key….

The key is: no thoughts, no ego, no time — you just are.

Saying yes to life

Like most Europeans, and all masochists, I am a compulsive pessimist. Not only that but I take pride in it and identify with it as if it’s some kind of sign of my cultural superiority.

Actually, of course, it’s a sign of weakness. Feeling superior to people, being able to outwit them intellectually, gives me pleasure because it is an outlet for my repressed sadism. Being always able to gain the upper hand, I am safe in the knowledge that no one can really get to me. I don’t run the risk of being vulnerable and of getting hurt. That means I’m safe; but missing out on life.

For some reason I’ve never quite figured, life on the other side of the pond has evolved in an opposite direction. Or perhaps it has just not “evolved” at all. There is something about the American outlook on life that grates terribly on a lot of Europeans. That little children laugh and play in African villages is still OK, Europeans can feel superior and still benevolently disposed towards these manifestations of joy in a simpler life, more at one with nature. However that Americans have the hubris to believe that they will succeed against all the odds, that they dare to try to infect us with their enthusiasm for frankly daft projects, well, that’s just too much. They strike us as naive, often dangerously so, and  nowhere outside the mountains of Afghanistan and the souks of Baghdad is the Schadenfreude at American failures greater than in the refined salons of European capitals.

Strangely, our own failures (and God knows they are plentiful enough) fail to fill us with the same sense of joy. Actually, they fail to fill us with anything at all; we are blind to the ways in which the European nation-state extinguishes personal initiative in both the economic and private spheres.

I am certain that the American outlook has a good deal of neurosis built into it, too. I am not trying to eulogize it any more than I am trying to deprecate European sensitivities. However, when the result is that genuine joie de vivre is taken by Europeans for a marker of cultural naivete, it should set alarm bells ringing. This is called cynicism, and it is always an ego defense.

The thing is, ersatz Lebenslust is merely amusing, or sad, but it is not threatening, you do not need to defend yourself against it. And if you defend yourself against what turns out to be the real thing, you miss the opportunity to be taken up in a positive vortex; you miss out on living. In fact your ego defenses are the only thing that prevent you from living: the mirror is being held up to your own resistances.

And so it is that I am delighted to welcome tantra teacher Dawn Cartwright to Brussels. When I feel resistance at her enthusiasm, which I do, I am grateful for the chance to examine what it is that keeps me from jumping into the river of life; and then I just let myself fall in love. Life has this quality, that it is very easy to fall in love with; because life is our nature and it seeks out itself. When we are in love, we are dissolved, free, we are ourselves.

Join us 27-29 November in Brussels; fall in love; and, if you can, dive deeply into all of Dawn’s offerings in Europe this fall. They’re on her website at www.dawncartwright.com.

Bien plus grave

10 Feb 2007

I found this poem, by Uruguayan writer Mario Benedetti, on another tantric blog in Spanish, I translated it into French which better preserves the rhythm than English – there may be a few mistakes but hopefully not too many 🙂

The message that love rewrites our personal history, restores it to us, and that the infinite is to be found in the particular, is very deep, true and beautiful.

Enjoy!

Toutes les parcelles de ma vie ont quelque chose de toi.
Et, à dire la vérité, cela n’a rien d’étonnant
Tu le sais autant que moi.
Pourtant, je voudrais t’expliquer une chose.
Quand je parle de toutes les parcelles,
Je ne fais pas référence uniquement à ce moment,
Au fait de t’attendre et enfin de te revoir,
De te perdre désespérément,
Et de te revoir encore,
Et voilà tout.
Je ne fais pas référence à ce que tu dis, “je vais pleurer”,
Et c’est moi, un noeud discret à l’arrière-gorge, qui pleure
Et une belle averse invisible s’empare de nous
Et peut-être c’est pour cela que le soleil se lève de suite.
Je ne fais pas seulement référence à comment, jour après jour,
s’augmente le stock de nos petites et décisives complicités,
Ou que je puisse me convaincre de pouvoir convertir mes défaites en victoires,
Ou que tu me fasses le cadeau sournois de ton désespoir le plus récent.
Non.
La chose est bien plus grave.
Quand je dis toutes les parcelles
Je veux dire que, au-delà de ce doux cataclysme,
Tu es en train aussi de réécrire mon enfance,
Cet âge où l’on dit des choses solennelles et adultes,
Et les solennels adultes les célèbrent,
Et tu, par contre, sais que cela ne sert à rien.
Je veux dire que tu es en train de refortifier mon adolescence
Ce temps où j’étais un vieillard comblé d’angoisses,
Et tu sais pourtant retirer de ce désert
Ma graine d’allegresse et l’arroser en la regardant
Je veux dire que tu es en train de secouer ma jeunesse,
Cette cruche que personne n’a jamais prise dans ses mains,
Cette silhouette que personne n’a fait sortir de son ombre,
Et toi, par contre, tu le fais trembler,
Jusqu’à ce que les feuilles sèches commencent à en tomber,
Et il en reste l’ossature de ma vérité dénuée.
Je veux dire que tu es en train d’embrasser ma maturité
Cette mélange d’étonnement et d’expérience
Cette étrange frontière entre l’angoisse et la neige
Cette bougie qui illumine la mort
La précipice de cette pauvre vie.
Comme tu le vois, c’est plus grave,
Bien plus grave,
Parce qu’avec ces mots, ou avec d’autres,
Je veux dire que tu n’es pas seulement
La bien-aimée demoiselle que tu es
Mais tu es aussi toutes les splendides ou hésitantes femmes
Que j’ai aimées ou que j’aime.
Parce que c’est grâce à toi que j’ai découvert
(Tu diras qu’il en était bien temps – et tu n’auras pas tort)
Que l’amour est comme une baie, belle et généreuse,
Qui s’illumine et qui s’éteint au rythme de la vie.
Une baie où les bateaux viennent et s’en vont.
Ils arrivent avec des oiseaux et des promesses,
Et ils s’en vont avec les sirènes et sous la grisaille.
Une belle et généreuse baie,
Où les bateaux viennent et s’en vont.
Mais toi,
S’il te plait,
Ne t’en vas pas.