I am just back from a weekend at the Humaniversity. It’s always a pleasure to go there, for the feeling of community and the sense of making a difference in the world, one life at a time*.
The theme was “passion” and we explored it from different angles, all of which was very worthwhile, but in hindsight I realize that, surprisingly, the theme of sexual passion was not evoked. Were we just unwilling to go there? And what is the relationship between sexual passion and passion for life and its pursuits and pleasures more generally?
I definitely suspect that (unsurprisingly) there was a good deal of sublimation going on. And in art as in life. The reluctance or oubli of even a relatively enlightened public to talk about sexual passion mirrors what we do when we throw all our energies into projects of manifold kind, but neglect our inner fire.
And believe me, this is a problem. Because it is that inner fire we are asking to fuel our projects. But only, just so. Only to the extent we and society find convenient. We like a little fire in our fireplace, but we are afraid of the big fire that consumes all.
Sexual passion is about surrender. Surrender to the moment, to our partner, to our own body; surrender to any consequences, beyond our fears. And although many cannot genuinely surrender to it, even occasionally, sexual passion is our birthright.
It is popularly supposed, including in esteemed circles, that only unhappy people can be geniuses, creative artists, world leaders in different fields…. and this is a troubling problem, because we can all think of plenty of examples that seem to confirm it. We can also think of examples of people who seem to be happy, but because of this are much less driven to change things in their environment, much less active on the public stage. Many of us think that, as Cicero suspected, only the thirst for power, status or personal gain motivates a position in public life. With rare exceptions, happy people attend only to problems on the margin of society, mitigate its discontents, but do not challenge the embedded violence at its core. We are also accepting of “negative” personality traits in our leaders – at least up to a certain point. We imagine only a psychopath can truly lead us, or want to. So much for the philosopher-king.
Sexual passion, frequently, leaves us feeling happy, even beatific, but if it drives us to anything at all, then it is to only one thing: to possess (impossibly) the object of that passion, to place it beyond the fear of loss, to tame it in order to ensure its continued availability. Lovers have gone to legendary lengths to ensnare the object of their love. They have sometimes abdicated power, status and security to do so. Only very rarely have they have gone on, as a result thereof, based upon this passion, to lead the world.
What is the answer to this apparent dilemma? Well, we should first note, I think, that if sexual passion were such a universal narcotic, wouldn’t it be more tolerated, even embraced, by established power structures? That exactly the opposite is true should be a clue. If male sexual drives (but not true passion) are indeed tolerated, the real heart of passion in the body of the woman is not. We have tried since time immemorial to stamp it out, and we continue today. Is it only because of the threat to family structures and property, or do we also have an inkling of a deeper threat, a threat not only specific, to particular families and property, but general, to the whole capitalist, patriarchal worldview and the power structures based upon it?
Happiness, indubitably, placates us, reconciles us to the circumstances of our life, dulls the need for change. Happy people are not usually behind those social forces clamoring for change. These are rather angry people – with every right, of course, to be angry.
This, I believe, is true however only up to a point. The appearance of truth tells us in reality only something about the rarety of the state of bliss we nonetheless imagine to form part of our experience. If experienced at all, it is fleeting only, sensed – and immediately retreated from. No one is surrendering to it. We are all ruled by fear.
Happiness is a state we need to cultivate and get used to. If we experience it only intermittently, we are always caught in a desperate search for more. Once we fully surrender to our natural passion, however, when we learn, as the Vigyan Bhairav tantra exhorts, to stay with the fire and avoid the embers, we are happy, but we are also charged. The experience of sexual passion then ignites us to an understanding of the natural state of the world, and the extent to which we have strayed from it. Then passion becomes truly omnipresent, but only with unsublimated goals. It incites us to bring justice, beauty and joy into the world. To give voice to anger, perhaps, but not to discontent. Rather, to be the living embodiment of another way of being. Sexual release may dull us temporarily, but sexual satisfaction is only a myth. The experience of ecstasy leads us invariably to compassion, and empowers us for change.
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* Please note that, while I have a lot of respect for the therapists and their work, this should not be read as a blanket endorsement. Discover your needs and find what works for you.